Fanfic: Don’t make me get my main! by Useful_Oxymoron (Free to read, 564,411Clicks)


Hermione Grangers wants nothing more than to spend a quiet evening questing in World of Warcraft after a long day at work. Unfortunately, some annoying high level player keeps killing her and camping her corpse. What’s a girl to do?


No Archive Warnings ApplyHermione Granger/Bellatrix Black LestrangeHermione Granger Bellatrix Black Lestrange Antonin DolohovAlternate Universe – Non-Magical World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King PVP Frustration Humor First Impressions Dark Hermione Granger



Hermione Grangers wants nothing more than to spend a quiet evening questing in World of Warcraft after a long day at work. Unfortunately, some annoying high level player keeps killing her and camping her corpse. What’s a girl to do?One-shot based on this song:


For AliasGlasses.

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text
Hermione Granger worked hard and played hard.
During the day, Hermione was a junior executive navigating the cutthroat world of office life. During the evenings, she was a PvP sensation working her way up the rankings by slaughtering players with her carefully crafted min-maxed gear-set with all the right enchants, gems. A gear-set that was ever increasing in power with every new piece gained.
She was ambitious in game as she was in life.
That’s what made today’s situation extra frustrating. Her work had been rather hectic today and she didn’t feel like expending extra energy on the PvP rankings at the moment. Today, Hermione’s plan was to take her low-level hunter through some nice relaxing questing through Stranglethorn Vale for an evening.
If only things were so simple.
Hermione first spotted her in the distance. It was a level 80 blood elf paladin, hanging around the Gurubashi arena. That in itself wasn’t strange as PvP events of all levels were often held there, but she started spotting the paladin more and more.
And then she got hit with said paladin’s Hammer of Wrath. Right in the head. With that amount of level disparity, Hermione’s little hunter was instantly killed and fell to the ground. Hermione let out a sight and prepared herself for a corpse run. The world turned ashen grey and Hermione spent a half a minute running from the graveyard back to her corpse, pressing the resurrect button the moment it appeared.
The world turned back to colour. And the moment it did, the hammer hit her. Again.
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed through her nose.
Right, the paladin had had her fun, right? Time for another corpse run.
Corpse run.
Okay, this was getting intolerable. When she came back, she saw that the elf was sitting right next to her corpse, having started a literal campfire. Hermione clicked resurrect and… nothing.
Good, good. The paladin had lost interest. Hermione decided to go on her merry way and spotted the tiger she needed to kill as a quest objective. She was about to fire her gun when a hammer of pure light once again hit her over the head.
“OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” Hermione exclaimed, slamming both her fists on her desk which caused her pot of tea to be knocked over the floor. Thankfully, there hadn’t been too much tea in it at the time.
Mocking laughter emote.
Corpse run.
Mocking laughter emote.
Corpse run.
This was getting intolerable. She noticed the elf was guilded. ‘Death Eaters’, the guild was named. She’d seen that name before, in battlegrounds and arenas. She’d faced off defeated many them plenty of times before on her main. Good players, certainly, but this behaviour of picking on lower-level players was just appalling and outrageous. Where was the honour in this? Where was the pride of defeating an opponent of equal level?
Naturally, Hermione wasn’t budging an inch. Of course, Hermione could simply resurrect at the graveyard and eat the resurrection sickness. She could simply log into another character. Hell, she could even just log out entirely to play a different game. But that would be giving in. That would be giving up.
However, she reached her breaking point when she returned to her corpse and found the elf paladin doing repeated taco touchdowns on her head.
She grit her teeth, her blood boiling now. Immediately, she logged off to make a level 1 character horde-side. She waited for a moment for her orc to spawn in Durotar. Immediately, she ignored the inane chatter from the starting zone and started typing.
“To [BellaKedavra]: What the fuck are you doing? Do you get some sort of perverse pleasure from annoying low-level players? What are you even doing there?! Level 80 like you beating down a defenceless level 40! Does it make you feel like a big man? Because I bet you’re man! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! I’ve been working my arse off today and I want to do is relax a little! And then you fuck it all up with your antics! Don’t you have anything better to do?! I swear, don’t make me get main! You wouldn’t like it! Now bugger off and leave me to my questing!”
There. Hermione felt quite satisfied after having said her peace. She was about to log back to her hunter when a reply came in chat, almost buried in between the trolls, gold beggars and gold sellers.
“[BellaKedavra]: lol get good scrub”
Instantly, Hermione was enraged again and started typing away again.
“To [BellaKedavra]: I see you’re guilded. Maybe I should tell your GM about your appalling behaviour giving your guild a bad name!”
The reply came only a second later.
[BellaKedavra]: good luck with that”
Oh, that was it. THAT WAS IT! Hermione logged out almost so hard that she broke her mouse. At the log-in screen, she went to her main. GrangerDanger, a human Death Knight decked out with only the best PvP gear, ready to go. After logging in, her Death Knight emerged near Wintergrasp, ready to join the world zone if needed. The Vault of Archavon wasn’t her goal, however, as she mounted up and made her way to to Borean Tundra to grab the zeppelin to Orgrimmar, seething all the way there.
Her anger hadn’t subsided yet when taking the flight path to Ratchet to take the boat to Stranglethorn Vale. A grin crossed her features when she raced through the zone and spotted the paladin still camping her corpse: she wouldn’t know what hit her.
First blood went to GrangerDanger, spreading vile diseases to the undoubtedly startled paladin. She landed her Death Strikes, healing herself up from the paladin’s feeble attacks and had her down to about 30% of her health while she was at full. It was already over.
Until she suddenly found herself stunned. A second player, an undead rogue, emerged from the shadows. Hermione had lost quite a bit of health by the time she had broken through the stun, but gained it back from more Death Strikes. Hermione grit her teeth and worked to keep her runic power up while BellaKedavra and the rogue named DeadDolohov now ganged up on her. Dividing her attention and sweeping strikes between the two, she manoeuvred her character to avoid the rogue’s backstabs while trying her best to interrupt the paladin’s heals.
Sweat formed on her brow as health-bars, both hers and her enemies, went lower and lower. The rogue went down first and then it was between GrangerDanger and BellaKedavra. Both were low, both were desperate. Both were down to a sliver of their health.
And then it was over. GrangerDanger went down while BellaKedavra had only a sliver of health left.
“Fuck,” Hermione muttered, expecting that mocking laughter emote again. It never came. Instead, the elf paladin waited for her guildmate to return, both simply mounted and ran off.
Well. At least they would leave her in peace.
Hermione, more relaxed now, logged back to her hunter, went in to repair her gear and then went off to hunt tigers again. Scant ten minutes later, a whisper appeared, apparently from a level 1 character freshly made.
“[Heyurgood]: that was impressive
[Heyurgood]: hey noticed you have no guild. go horde. transfer or new toon or whatever. join death eaters.
[Heyurgood]: whisper RiddlerTom. tell him I sent you. he’s always looking for good players.
[Heyurgood]: we will do great things together you and I. ;)”
Hermione paused. It was true, Hermione was unguilded. Ironically enough, she played World of Warcraft to get away from people and social interaction. Still, there was something about this offer that was rather appealing. And faction changes were discounted this month.
“Alright, BellaKedavra,” Hermione muttered to herself. “Let’s see where this leads.”

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