Fanfic: You Really Suck by pretzelstyx (Read for Free, 1,332,114 Clicks)

Description: What happens when Clarisse Dupont, a seventh-year Slytherin, gets her ass smacked by Sirius Black? A hex to the face and a whole lot of interesting times afterward.

Characters: No Archive Warnings ApplySirius Black/Original Female Character(s) Regulus Black/Original Female Character(s) James Potter/Lily Evans Potter Remus Lupin/Original Character(s) Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans PotterOriginal Female Character(s) Original Male Character(s) Sirius Black Regulus Black James Potter Lily Evans Potter Peter Pettigrew Remus Lupin Evan Rosier Severus SnapeSlytherin Slytherin Harry Potter Good Slytherins Slytherins Being Slytherins Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Rivalry Slytherin Common Room Gryffindor/Slytherin Inter-House Relationships Gryffindor Common Room Hogsmeade Hogsmeade Dates Hogsmeade Weekend Trips Hogwarts Marauders Hogwarts Seventh Year Minor Regulus Black/James Potter Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship Bisexual Remus Lupin Werewolf Remus Lupin Quidditch

Summary: Summary:

What happens when Clarisse Dupont, a seventh-year Slytherin, gets her ass smacked by Sirius Black? A hex to the face and a whole lot of interesting times afterward.

Notes: Notes:

Hi!! This is my first time writing a fanfic in a while so please be kind :)) This is kind of a beta-chapter, and, if all goes well, I’ll keep posting!! This chapter has been slightly adjusted from the original :))

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Chapter One

Chapter Text

Chapter One

I do not own Harry Potter. This is my interpretation of the characters. The only ones I own are my OCs.

Clarisse Dupont sat across from Regulus Black as they waited for the Hogwarts Express to start moving on September 1, 1978. It was her final first day of school, and she couldn¡¯t have been happier about it. Clarisse loved her time at Hogwarts, but, with her internship at the Ministry ready to go, she was ready to ace her NEWTS and get out. Her white cat, Faustine, sat on her lap as she waited for the train to finally start moving.

¡°What time is it?¡± she asked Regulus, boredly.

¡°10:59,¡± he replied, not even looking up from his book to speak to her. So, naturally, Clarisse kicked him in the shin. ¡°Hey, what the fuck?¡± he responded rubbing the sore spot.

¡°You could at least look at me when you¡¯re speaking,¡± she grumbled, crossing her arms. The train suddenly lurched to a start. ¡°Finally.¡±

¡°Relax. What¡¯s that saying? A watched cauldron never boils?¡± Regulus said, smirking.

¡°Oh, piss off,¡± she said rolling her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m going to change.¡±

¡°Already? We¡¯re not going to be there for hours?¡±

¡°Better to go when the toilets aren¡¯t full of first-years trying to figure out how to put their robes on the right way. Plus, I have a Prefect meeting soon. Stupid Evans is Head Girl, and I really don¡¯t want to get stuck with some shitty patrol partner because she¡¯s pissed at me.¡±

¡°I don¡¯t understand why you want to please someone like


,¡± Regulus said with a grimace.

¡°Why? Because she¡¯s a Mudblood? Doesn¡¯t much matter since she¡¯s at the top, does it? If I want to get away with shit, I need to be on her good side,¡± Clarisse moved Faustine gently onto the seat beside her, grabbed her bag, and walked out into the hallway towards the toilets.

¡°Wait, Kim! Come on, Darling. Don¡¯t be like that!¡± Clarisse heard someone call out behind her. She heard someone running up and went to move over a bit so she wouldn¡¯t get run over when-


Clarisse went tense. ¡®Someone just smacked my ass,¡¯ she thought. ¡®







She was standing completely still when someone leaned next to her ear and whispered, ¡°Come on, Kim. I really am sorry.¡± Without waiting another second, Clarisse spun around and sent a strong stinging hex blindly into the air.

¡°What the


!¡± She shouted. ¡°


would you


that!¡± Groaning on the floor and clutching his bleeding nose was Sirius Black. ¡°Black! What the ever-living


.¡± Heads started to poke out of compartments to see what happened.



what the fuck? You were fine with it the other day in Diagon, Kim,¡± Sirius looked up from his position on the floor. His face went completely white. ¡°Oh, you¡¯re not Kim,¡± he mumbled.



what you have to say? You just


me, and that¡¯s all you have to say?¡± Clarisse was furious. It was taking all of her self-control to not open the train door and throw him out. ¡°Detention! For three weeks!¡±

¡°Wait! Wait, Dupont, I¡¯m sorry. I thought you were Kim Marchbanks. We were joking around in Diagon Alley–¡±

¡°I don¡¯t care! That was ridiculous! Absolutely unacceptable! Merlin, what the fuck were you thinking?¡± Clarisse was past the shock at this point and now was just angry at his blatant disrespect.

Sirius smirked up at her, ¡°You guys kind of look the same from the back, which is definitely not a bad thing. I¡¯m loving those jeans Dupont.¡±

¡°Get out of my sight,¡± Clarisse seethed. She watched as Sirius scrambled to his feet and started to walk away. That¡¯s when Clarisse noticed all the nosy heads still sticking out of the compartments surrounding her. ¡°What? Mind your business!¡± She barked at them. Spinning on her heel, Clarisse marched to the girls¡¯ toilets trying to forget what just happened. What a great start to the year.

After changing into her Slytherin robes and pinning on her Prefect badge, Clarisse returned to Regulus in their compartment. After what happened in the hallway, she was hoping to just sit with him and read her book until the Prefect meeting. No such luck. When Clarisse opened the compartment door, she was greeted by the faces of Evan Rosier and Laura Horn. Wonderful.

Rosier was the first to notice her come in. He smiled, ¡°Ah, Dupont! Heard you hexed the little Blood Traitor in the nose. Quite the situation from what I¡¯ve gathered.¡±

Laura piped in, Faustine unhappily perched on her lap, ¡°Are you alright? Rumor is he kind of attacked you from behind?¡±

¡°Yeah, I¡¯m fine. He smacked my ass thinking I was one of his fuck buddies or something, so I hexed him,¡± Clarisse said quietly, taking her cat and sitting next to Regulus.

Rosier laughed, and the conversation was over. Clarisse checked the time. It was 11:30, and the meeting wasn¡¯t until 2:00. She pulled out her book and started to read.

At 1:55 Clarisse got up from her seat, said goodbye to the others, and walked down the hall to the Prefect meeting at the front of the train.

When she got there, everyone else was already in their seats. The only one left open was next to Remus Lupin, who was busy reading. Clarisse sighed. After earlier, she had no interest in sitting next to one of Black¡¯s friends, but it looked like she didn¡¯t have a choice. As she sat down, Lupin looked at her.

¡°Hey,¡± he said, ¡°I¡¯m really sorry about what Sirius did to you. He can be a huge prick sometimes. I do think this time it was an actual accident, though.¡±

¡°Yeah, whatever,¡± Clarisse responded, crossing her arms over her chest. ¡°I think three weeks detention with Filch should at least kind of teach him a lesson.¡± Remus grinned, and a clap came from the front of the compartment.

¡°Alright! Now that everyone¡¯s here, let¡¯s get this over with. I¡¯m pretty sure everyone knows us, but just in case. I¡¯m your Head Girl, Lily Evans, and this is Head Boy, James Potter. One general announcement before we start. There was a small altercation in the hallway today, and, while I know it was out of self-defense, we cannot have a repeat of that. I would also like to say that any instances of sexual assault that are witnessed and/or reported must be taken seriously until proven otherwise.¡± Lily said this while staring directly at Clarisse. She nodded in acknowledgment. ¡°Okay! Continuing from there we have a few basic things to go over, and then I¡¯ll give you your patrol partners and schedules for the term.¡±

Clarisse toned everything out after that. She didn¡¯t need to listen to any of it; it would just be the same as last year anyway. While she waited for the meeting to end, she observed the rest of the people in the room with her. The one thing she could not wrap her head around was how James Potter became Head Boy. As Evans went over general guidelines, Potter looked like a love-sick puppy. How he got that spot, she¡¯d never know.

¡°Any questions? Good! Here are your assignments. Just take one and pass it around. Once you have a copy of the schedule you¡¯re free to go. Thanks for coming everyone,¡± Lily finished. Clarisse snapped out of her daze just in time to see a drop of drool fall out of James¡¯s mouth as he stared at Lily walking out the door. Gross. She took the stack from the person next to her and then gave it to Lupin. Clarisse scanned the sheet for her name and found it at the bottom.


Clarisse sighed. It could be worse she supposed. Lupin wasn¡¯t ideal, but at least he was quiet. She stood up and looked over at him, ¡°At least we have the weekends off.¡±

¡°Yeah,¡± he smiled. ¡°I¡¯m guessing that has something to do with our relationships with the Head Boy and his friends.¡±

Clarisse let out a small laugh, ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re probably right. Alright, well, I¡¯m going to head back to my compartment and try to relax for a little while. See you around, Lupin.¡±

¡°See you.¡±

By the time Clarisse got back to Regulus, the train ride was nearly over. She was ready to get off and go eat. She missed the trolly because she was in the meeting. ¡°I¡¯m so fucking hungry.¡±

Regulus shoved a Chocolate Frog into her hands. ¡°Figured you would be.¡±

¡°You¡¯re the best, Reg,¡± she smiled. ¡°This is why you¡¯re my favorite.¡±

¡°Favorite what? Member of the Black family? Slytherin? Can¡¯t imagine that¡¯s a hard position for me to get,¡± he scoffed jokingly.?

Clarisse ignored him and bit into the chocolate before it could get away. ¡°Oh, Merlin.¡±

¡°What?¡± Regulus questioned looking across at her.

¡°I got Gryffindor,¡± Clarisse grimaced. ¡°Damn, I was really hoping for someone good.¡± Regulus just rolled his eyes and went back to his book.

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